Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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