You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
