it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
