Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
