I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
