i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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