you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
