CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
