ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
