My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
