We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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