I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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