so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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