thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
