Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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