You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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