It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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