I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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