Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
