But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
