So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
