I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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