I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
