Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
