My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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