Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
