wanna go halves on a baby?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
