the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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