I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
