Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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