i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
