Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
