I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
