Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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