Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
