If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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