Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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