i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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