my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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