I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
