finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
