well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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