I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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