I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
