Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
