She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
