your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
