I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
