you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
