big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
