I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i permit you to call me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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